The Truth About Living Together

Hello gorgeous one!

Much to my Mamma’s cheeky jibes about Mr Nu Bride and I “living in sin”, my husband and I made the decision to move in together several years before marriage and I often think about how this dynamic would have faired post marriage.

It was a tough transition.

Moving in with each other is an exciting time, but it’s also testing even for the most patient!

Marriage in itself is an adjustment and so is moving in with each other. Bringing together two sets of beliefs systems and values around how a household should be run and ‘whose job it is to do what’, will always take some getting used to. If they’re home from work first, should they cook dinner or should you?

Imagine, you’ve been with your beloved for X amount of years, squeezing in visits whenever you can, seeing each other on evenings and weekends, until it gets to the point where neither of you can bear the wrench at the end of a night to leave for your separate homes. So you both decide to take the plunge and find a place to call your own.

Whoop Whoop!

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Let’s assume you’ve found your home with great precision and haven’t had some kind of  coronary event as a result of having to deal with estate agents. Lets skip that bit and handover the keys and start to prepare for your big move.

Schmoozing around in B&Q and turning into one of “those” couples….Arguing in the paint aisle about what shade of white you want to paint your bathroom wall.

Meandering in John Lewis, deliberating over dull subject matters such as curtain poles and tie backs, as you start to fill your new home with accents of your personalities. The excitement is too much to bear. Then before you know it, it’s moving in time…. boxes unpacked, Apron strings cut

And then it strikes – cue smile rapidly dropping from your face…

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How is it possible that the person you adore and have been with for so long can be so {lazy / untidy / smelly} (insert applicable) without you previously noticing? Hiding those special little traits with covert precision, until cohabiting! (Don’t pretend you haven’t hidden your own little beasties either lol!) The unidentified sounds from the bathroom, culinary inadequacies, DIY disasters, toenail biting…the list is endless.

The smell of burnt rice, chewy oxtail and many failed attempts to master cooking and cleaning skills, trying not to shame your family name and give your beloved an excuse to tell ‘the in-laws’ that you are “domestically challenged” and causing their impending malnutrition.

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The horror at several weekend tantrums with flat pack assembly. (Grounds for divorce! lol) Looking at your beloved with complete and utter contempt and wondering why it has taken them an entire day to assemble something with a recommended assembly time of 30 minutes…? Wondering in dismay why they haven’t miraculously adopted your father’s super DIY and handyman skills or your mother’s master-chef skills.

I asked a few of you to share some of their favourite moving in ‘challenges’ and here are a handful of my favourites:

“Doing someone else’s chores”

“Making me sleep on the ‘wrong’ side of the bed!”

“Underpants continuously left on the bathroom floor“ 

“The complete inability to be able to put the toilet seat down”  

“Snoring”

“Nagging”

“Hoarding” 

“Finding out that significant other doesn’t always smell of roses”

 “Unrealistic expectations for me to cook delicious home cooked meals, EVERY night, after long days at work ” 

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“Annoyance at why my other half continually confuses the bedroom floor as the wardrobe – I can only guess that it is so much easier to find items of clothing on the floor without the inconvenience of having to open the wardrobe door!”

LOL! Sound familiar? Some of these absolutely tickled me, and no doubt you too.

Marriage aside, living with someone new truly does test the essence of a relationship and requires a lot of shifting, compromise and understanding. It can be fun discovering each other in a new light, it can also be hard. You will both be used to living in a certain way that may have been acceptable in one household and completely unacceptable in the other. Neither is right or wrong. (Expect for the toilet seat lid issue –  I can’t let that one go).

So how do you identify unwritten roles and rules within your new foundation?

How do we re-write traditions and define what is right for ‘us’?

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We share common gripes, but at the end of it all, if the underpants were put in the laundry basket – if the bathroom smelt of roses all the time, if the cooking was Michelin star standards and if there wasn’t a nag in sight, we would still find something to gripe about. Let’s face it, we secretly love their little traits and little imperfections; and we love that they accept our little beasties too.

Our imperfections and little (not so) secret ‘habits’ make us human. We are not perfect and that is ok. Even if we smile if through gritted teeth at times would we honestly really want it any other way? (Yes please I would be very grateful for the toilet seat issue to be resolved once and for all. lol!)

How did you find adjusting to moving in with your beloved? What worked and what took some getting used to?

The Talent

Photography: Verity Quirk

Header Image: Nikos Gogas

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